Abstract Magdalene

All hands on deck.

I would like to say I’ve been incredibly busy, then go into detail on exactly what I’ve been busy with but I can’t.

Yes, things have been busy but in that sort of way where everything has melted together in a colourful but unidentifiable mess. Work has kept me thoroughly engaged every single day, and I come home, drained and exhausted, falling into bed in front of the television like a mute piece of meat that has no flavour or value.

Sad, but true.

I always thought that when I returned to ‘Normal Land’, that I would get involved again in all of the activities like serious writing, photography. Roaming the streets with my camera and imagination and a pack of smokes in my pocket. But it hasn’t quite come together like that. Yet. I am thinking it’s the weather. I need something warmer to foster my low ambitions.

Truth is, it’s as hard to write in Normal Land as it was in the Arctic, or another spot of Canada’s North. In any number of places, I am my own worst enemy when it comes to getting stuff done. The high priestess of Procrastination. It’s a state of being with it’s own zip code, as well it should be, in my case. I need a personal trainer for my hobbies.

Terrible.

While I’m looking for such a person to motivate me, I take ’smaller’ photos in order to satiate the masses with tiny signs of my creativity. Little postcards to let you know I still got it.

Although, sometimes, in my darker moments, I want to say that I know it’s in there but really I’m thinking no and on the inside, I see a barren room with dirty white walls where creativity has been banished to warmer and prettier climes. In my darker moments.

But this is not one of those, I think. I know it’s there, I just have to figure out the right way to tap into it. Get back into the groove, set the clock, deliver as promised.

I can do this. I just need to see the window for what it is.

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ink, paper. Keyboard.

Hey there, Hope you like the new digs. I’m still poking around trying to make things my own. Still haven’t gotten to the blog roll but that will be next. Promise.

Me, coming home.

I’ve been turning a new update over in my mind that past week or so. I’ve been freezing my hand that holds the coffee cup in biting -30 degree weather whilst walking into the office most morning the past week, this made me think of mittens and the fact that I feel slightly ripped off in that I moved further south and am still cursed with this freezing ass weather that has seemed to follow me around the country since I left the Arctic.

Long sentence. Sometimes, those are the best. A long drink before a deep breath.

Not really settling into the new apartment yet. Haven’t unpacked much and since we are living with a bed and an air mattress, a table, two chairs and a wobbly buffet table that I am using as a desk in my poetry room, in this gigantic apartment…I often wonder if I am waiting for something better, more comfortable to come along. The apartment itself is marvelous, but it might be a bit too fancy for me to feel comfortable enough to kick my feet up and smoke freely. Definitely not allowed to smoke in the apartment. That’s how pretty it is. It sold me on sight, my having overlooked the whole ‘non smoking’ bit must be what can only be described as a moment of pure madness.

I need to smoke while I write or I go a little wonky. Left-wise.

Alex got me an iPhone as a late Christmas gift, and I shameless flaunted it. It is my new little toy that I haven’t gotten bored with yet, and I don’t even know how to use it to capacity. Oh dear.

Trying to decide on Ireland or Italy for vacation this year. Italy to meet Alex’s parents, or another month of lazing around the west coast of Ireland? I cannot decide right now. I am leaning towards Italy. Mostly for the food…can you imagine?

My life is pure folly. And I am always on the lookout for what comes next.

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It’s not too dark to keep trying

Lots of changes lately.

Welcome to the new website for Abstract Magdalene. You can find pretty much anything to do with my web presence here. Feel free to follow me on Twitter (almost wrote Fritter), Facebook, Flickr or what have you.

I’ve been without internet, strictly speaking, thus creating my own little void on the internet. No Gish-ness. It was weird at first but now I can’t remember what I spent so much time doing online. It’s always that way.

New digs. A move back to Ontario and here I am again, breathing the same air as the rest of my family, in the same time zone as my friends. I fall into my old habits of haunting Tim Horton’s in the morning, not even missing the French press and freshly ground coffee of Hay River days. I find myself browsing in stores for things I don’t need and was almost ready to hug the lettuce in grocery stores.

We rented a crazy apartment in a character home and are currently using the bed for everything from watching television to eating dinner. Alessandro prefers the tiny table we procured but I’m not picky.

A new job that I am settling into, which I am starting to think I am quite good at. I’m looking at a few trips this spring/summer. Maybe one to see Craig, and definitely one to see family in the South. Also, I’m thinking Ireland again!

Speaking of Craig. He has a new website up, as well along with a new album released. I haven’t heard it, and am waiting somewhat impatiently for it to arrive in the mail. But you can listen to tracks at the site and so far, it sounds amazing. Take a look at his site and sample something for your ears and mind. www.craigbancoff.com
Excuse me while I get my link stuff figured out.

We drove across most of Canada to get here, almost losing a wheel in the process but arrived safely just before Christmas, giving me time to work for a week then spend the holidays with a part of the family I never have, before.

My mind is buzzing with ideas, a swirling soup that I want to taste once my home office is set up and I can go in and close the door. A room of one’s own. I see photos I haven’t taken. I feel like I’ve taken a swim in the inspiration lake and come up with a fish that I couldn’t catch.

Back in Normal Land and enjoying the concrete and pavement along with the sound my shoes make when I’m walking over it in parking garages and empty lots. The air is damp and warmer here than where I was before, and today I can smell trees again.

I call or text Sam and we’re in the same time zone. My dad lives a 20 minute drive away on the other side of town and I can see him almost whenever I want.

Life is good.

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Dear Canada,
I had no idea you were so big to drive over.
Love,
Gish.

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Goin’ home, folks…Comin’ home.

Goin’ home, folks…Comin’ home.

11 days and counting before I’ll be within the borders of Ontario to live for the first time in two years.

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I Turn My Camera On.

Making plans. They fall together like loosely knitted stitches on a hand made scarf. Warm and wooly, for the winter. This pleases me.

I type this in my soon to be non-bedroom. Meaning, I’ve been offered a new job, back home in Ontario. Well, not really ‘back home’ but given the amount of traveling I’ve done the past couple of years for work, to go back to my home province to work is like going back home (in my mind). The job itself is a step up in level and responsibility, as well as something I’ve always wanted to be involved in. And it’s in my chosen field.

For the first time as an adult, I’ll be living in the same city as my father and my youngest sister. I’m looking forward to the piano lessons I will take, as well as the guitar lessons I will squeeze out of my dad

Just a couple of weeks to go here in Hay River, then it’s a jump into the cockpit of my car and away I go…onto the ever bidding highway of my life.

Can’t wait to see what happens next.

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but I’m still a soldier.

Interesting developments growing in my life. I’m not really sure how things are going to play out. I’m looking at change. Always looking for the next rock.

Other new things happening: one of my best friends is expecting her baby any second now. Another is enjoying her job and boyfriend, content with how her landing has worked out. Bailey still follows me around the house like a lost soldier.

I have this unique ability to cut my work life (apart from some aspects) off from my private life. It’s odd, now that I think about it. Discussion with others in the profession, we’ve come to the conclusion there is no major research on this topic. I’m sure one of us decided to file that idea away for future thesis ideas.

I love my work. It keeps me busy, it’s interesting. It’s always the same thing, but it’s completely different no matter where I go. I think that is in part what keeps me looking at new places. Because it might be so great to work there. In the field that I do.

Long telephone convo tonight with Sam. Fun times. My old black rotary telephone might be failing because I apparently sound muffled. I am eagerly awaiting a baby pink rotary phone to arrive in the mail. I love the nostalgia, and the cheesiness.

Hawksley Workman has announced a new tour. It sounds like the usual places, which is good because I am familiar with some venues. I keep missing him, though. Haven’t seen him in years.

Then Sam pointed me in the direction of the above photo.
Feels a bit like home, maybe.

Photo Courtesy of Trevor Weeks.

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All I want is you.

Where is the face that you know?

She’s Got A New Disguise – The Matthew Good Band

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you know the one I bought in Phoenix, where they sell old jewelery.

Above is the photo I took of our Thanksgiving dinner spread. It was tasty. I won’t bore you with the details of how I forced lemon herbed butter underneath the skin of the turkey breast and mashed cream cheese into the potatoes. But yummy, nonetheless. Also, the peach pie I decided couldn’t be that hard to bake, turned out ok, too.

In my ever changing duties at work, I had to arrange a funeral today. It’s the first time I’ve picked out a plot, bought a casket, or tried to decide on a Catholic or Anglican ceremony. To tell you the truth, I am not even sure if this is supposed to be significant to me, or if it’s just business as usual. I guess my stomach will decide.

I’m homesick, in case I haven’t mentioned that before. I feel when I speak with friends or family, it’s just a long list of complaints and no bright spots. I try to keep an eye out for those bright spots but it’s been a little more difficult since I’ve started sharing space with the Italian, and I feel like I can never show my real face, even at home. And I’m not laying blame, it’s really just a matter of my own comfort level with things.

So, homesick. Trying to patch together some time off for the beach vacation with Number 4 and some time with my nephews and parents and other sisters. Basically, I don’t know how it’s going to work. But I’ll figure something out. I am thinking for January, so I still have time to work out plans.

It sounds low, but I feel good. The first snow fell and stuck to the ground. I drive around for work, and I see kids out in their snowsuits, making snow angels. They stand up to admire their work, then run off..the still falling leaves of poplars flying behind them in little whirlwinds.

It’s enough.

Harder Now That It’s Over – Ryan Adams

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I will never be with you

I shouldn’t listen to James Blunt in the morning. It’s almost too sweet, like eating chocolate or sugary breakfast cereals with very little milk. Marshmellow shapes that melt in your mouth or turn your milk into rainbow colours. Too sweet.

I guess I am all done with driving to Yellowknife for awhile. The blanket of freezing temps and glittery snow will soon descend upon us and it will be like a quiet numbing feeling that will linger until the first breath of Spring comes back around. It all presents itself like a cycle in my mind. Round, circular, the only thing really different being the year. 2003, 2006, 2008. I am looking forward to the snow. I’ve got pellets for the stove in my house, blankets to cover my bed, and somehow, a guy to keep the sheets warm for me when I jump in (not necessary but nice to have, nonetheless).

I’m up at a good time, hoping I will leave the house so I am not late for work again. There is heavy frost on the car, Alessandro stood at the kitchen window in front of the sink, waiting for his truck to warm up. Good morning kisses still surprise me, but aren’t unpleasant.

I still cling helplessly to things from the past, but it’s comforting in an anchoring sort of way. Like a small way to remember how I used to be. That girl. Then I realise in short blasts of clarity that people are ever evolving and that the same is true for myself. A constantly changing orb of colour.

But now it’s time to choose the eyeshadow colour of the day. Greens? Blues? Pinks seem to lame. I want something punchy. Looking forward to a new haircut this evening. Nothing really different, just cleaner, more defined bangs. Yeth!

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